The Axe Man

There once was an axe man. The king asked the axe man to chop down the trees in the magical forest. Eventually the axe man’s axe was getting blunt from much use. As he did not have a whetstone he said to himself, “I will go around the kingdom and find one. Surely someone has a way to sharpen my axe!”

So, he put the axe over his shoulder and off he went whistling looking for a whetstone.

He came across an orphan girl, who was gathering berries in the forest. The axe man approached her and said, “Sweet orphan girl do you have a whetstone? See my axe is blunt and I cannot cut as many trees in the magical forest in the magical forest as before, and the king will be upset. If I could borrow your whetstone I would be eternally grateful!”

The orphan replied, “Dear sir, I am an orphan. I do not have a home, or even food! See here I am gathering wild berries. And there, you see the meager fire I started with a few twigs. I do not even have a name!”

And the axe man said, “You do not have a whetstone? How will I grind my axe?”

And so the axe man swung his axe and chopped the orphan girl to bits. After he cleaned the blood from his axe, he said, “Oh me! My axe is getting more and blunt each day! How will I go back to chopping trees? I must continue to search for a whetstone.” And placing the axe on his shoulder off he went whistling looking for a whetstone.

He came across a little hovel off the main road. He knocked on the door and after some shuffling, a very old widow cracked open the door. The axe man removed his hat and said, “Dear madam, do you have a whetstone? See my axe is blunt and I cannot cut as many trees in the magical forest as before, and the king will be upset. If I could borrow your whetstone I would be eternally grateful!”

The widow said, “Dear Mr. Axeman,” she said through the crack on the door, “I am a poor widow, and live alone. My teeth are all gone and I cannot eat meat, so I have nothing that cuts, and nothing to sharpen it either.”

And he said, “So you say you have nothing that cuts, and nothing to sharpen it either? You do not have a whetstone? How will I grind my axe?” And so the axe man swung his axe and broke down the door, and he kicked down the widow and chopped her to bits. After he cleaned the blood from his axe, he said, “Oh me! My axe is getting more and blunt each day! How will I go back to chopping trees? I must continue to search for a whetstone.” And placing the axe on his shoulder off he went whistling looking for a whetstone.

He came across a gardener and asked, “Dear gardener do you have a whetstone? See my ax is blunt and I cannot cut as many trees in the magical forest as before, and the king will be upset. If I could borrow your whetstone I would be eternally grateful!”

The gardener stopped working for a moment, took off his hat and wiped his brow. He looked at the axe man for a moment. He said, “I too work for the king. I am responsible for planting all these trees in his forest, which you chop down. I do have a whetstone but I will not lend it to you for any price!”

And he said, “So you do have a whetstone but will not let me use it for any price? How will I grind my axe?” And so the axe man swung his axe and chopped the gardener to bits. After he cleaned the blood from his axe, he looked through the gardener’s tools, but could not find a whetstone. He then piled all the gardener’s belongings in a pile, and threw the body of the gardener on top and set it all on fire. After watching the fire for a while he said, “Oh me! My axe is getting more and blunt each day! How will I go back to chopping trees? I must continue to search for a whetstone.” And placing the axe on his shoulder off he went whistling looking for a whetstone.

The axe man then came across a knight, who was sitting by a small fire. The knight eyed him suspiciously but continued to cook his meal. The axe man, holding his hat in his hand said, “Dear noble knight do you have a whetstone? See my ax is blunt and I cannot cut as many trees in the magical forest as before, and the king will be upset. If I could borrow your whetstone I would be eternally grateful!”

The knight looked at the axe man and replied. “I do not have a whetstone. I have a magical sword which is always sharp!”

And axe man said, “You do not have a whetstone because you have a magical sword? How will I grind my axe?”

And so the axe man swung his axe at the defenseless knight and chopped him to bits. He then used his axe to smash the magical sword into many pieces and flung them in different directions in the forest. After he cleaned the blood from his axe, he said, “Oh me! My axe is getting more and blunt each day! How will I go back to chopping trees? I must continue to search for a whetstone.” And placing the axe on his shoulder off he went whistling looking for a whetstone.

Later that day the axe man came across a small cottage which belonged to a witch. He came to the door and knocked. From inside he heard, “Enter!” The witch was standing by an open fire pit, and was stirring a large cauldron with some foul-smelling liquid. He walked in and asked, “Witch! Give me a spell to make my ax always sharp! See my ax is blunt and I cannot cut as many trees in the magical forest as before, and the king will be upset. If I could borrow your whetstone I would be eternally grateful!”

The witch cackled. “So you want a magic axe heh? Just like that fine young knight that I helped so long ago?”

“Yes,” said the axe man, “I want an enchanted axe that never loses its edge.

“It will cost you! You will have to give up cutting down trees in my magical forest for a whole year!”

And he said, “So you will make my axe magical as long as I do not cut trees down on your magical forest for a year?” And so the axe man swung his axe and chopped her to bits. After he cleaned the blood from his axe, he said, “Oh me! My axe is getting more and blunt each day! How will I go back to chopping trees? I must continue to search for a whetstone.” And placing the axe on his shoulder off he went whistling looking for a whetstone.

Eventually the ax man came across a ferocious dragon that was terrorizing many villages in the magical forest. The dragon was curled over a pile of loot puffing on a pipe made of human bone.

The axe man said, “Dear dragon, I see you have terrorized many villages, plundered them of their gold and silver and killed thousands of people. In all you looted do you have a whetstone? See my ax is blunt and I cannot cut as many trees in the magical forest as before, and the king will be upset. If I could borrow your whetstone I would be eternally grateful!”

The dragon replied, “Why yes I do! Here it is!” The axe man was delighted. He sharpened his axe and it was so sharp it could cut through a small tree in one swing.

The dragon then said, “Your axe is very sharp! But I fear that soon it will be blunt again. Then what will you do?”

The axe man stopped swinging his axe and sat down sad. “It is true, the ax will eventually fail again!”

The dragon then said, “I have an idea, I will let you use my whetstone which I pillaged from the village every day, all I ask is that you help me as I go about destroying villages.”

The axe man frowned, “But how about the king? He needs magical trees!”

The dragon nodded, and puffed thoughtfully on his pipe for a while, “I see you are a wise and loyal ax man. Well, whenever I am not going to pillage and destroy villages, you can spend your time cutting the forest for the king.”

The axe man was very happy, “That is wonderful! You have a deal! When shall we start?”

“There is no better time than the present,” the dragon nodded wisely. The axe man then placed his shining and sharpened axe over his shoulder and off he went whistling following the dragon.

Advertisements

About spaceloom

An urban monk, and an experienced spiritual director with a Masters in Psychology. Married with two children. Want to know me better? Read my thoughts.
This entry was posted in Thoughts. Bookmark the permalink.